Frivolous Monsters

Archive for the tag “Tourism”

…in an Exciting Adventure with the Police – Part 01

I am like a one-man Neighbourhood Watch. It didn’t pass our attention when someone mysteriously spray-painted one of our hedgehogs with a big cross on its back and I eventually became aware of the patterns of a certain twenty-something blonde neighbour whose hours seemed to be so in keeping with mine that I naturally deduced that she could hardly be a normal functioning member of society; although this was before I started to really pay attention to her activities and I got a right eyeful, because it turns out that she isn’t shy, and what with all the costume changes and the hours spent in front of her full-length mirror in various states of undress that I began to wonder if she was a right Belle de Jour. And I don’t mean in the blogging way.

Police banner.jpg

Read more…

The Reading Room 08 – The Final End

I do not cope well with change. Of that I am sure. For my kamikaze writing career I’d come to rely upon my small table outside the toilet in Costa Coffee and the reading room in the library, as they were the only places in town where you could sit quietly and do some work1, and so I was therefore distraught when I was cast out of the reading room, beyond the reach of spiritually bereft librarians for ever, and it had nothing to do with hanging about with strange men in there like you might imagine. Library

Read more…

The Reading Room 03

I popped along to my gentlemen’s club, late-night library Wednesday, and the most famous of the regular members was gently sleeping across from me.

So far, so normal.

Carry On Up the Jungle.jpg

Read more…

Toilet Tales 04

When I was at Bangor University there was an edict passed down by the head of department that no visiting prospective student should be taken above the sixth floor, because they didn’t need to see what went on up there; for a clean-living physical chemist like himself he considered the organic research groups to be dirty, seeing as they actually did proper chemical experiments, and for him, safely ensconced in his first floor office, they were the departmental shame.Bangor View

Read more…

Toilet Tales 03

Friday, market day, and so in amongst the coach-loads of visiting pensioners to our World-famous market I was compelled, once again, to become the Costa Coffee toilet monitor.

Executive washroom membership card. Admit one.

Executive washroom membership card. Admit one.

Read more…

Toilet Tales 01

     The Daily Telegraph finally got with the programme and printed an article on “café conquerors”, and “coffee shop lingerers”; those hardy souls who consider the price of a coffee to be the rent for office space, which they then proceed to hog, so it’s nice to know that I’m clearly a trend-setter seeing as how I got in on the act before it became over-fashionable. A trend-setter and an all-round menace to society, it seems.

bury Read more…

The Last Days of the Bath – Part 07 – The End

DAY 11: The big end of nearly three weeks of enforced culture through having to vacate the house whilst the bathroom was refitted: thus forcing myself to get out there and actually do stuff I’d otherwise just have put off until I wasn’t single, as where’s the fun if you’ve not got someone to share the adventure with, eh? I realised recently that I’ve been single for a solid decade. You can see, with that attitude, why I don’t get out much.  Salford The Crescent

Read more…

The Last Days of the Bath – Part 06

DAY 10: The journey nears its end. I’ve had my first shower in two weeks that didn’t involve the kitchen sink and having to wait for the neighbours to go to sleep first. We now even have a full-length mirror which will show you the horrific sight of yourself sitting on the toilet. I’ve had a similar shock with the carefully positioned mirror in the Costa toilets, before it fell off the wall – that place is falling apart – but I’ve never sat on the Costa Coffee toilet naked. Not even once. I was planning ahead with my visits now and today was going to be a day of museums and a day of religion.Manchester Cathedral

Read more…

The Last Days of the Bath – Part 05

WARNING: This post contains content that should not be viewed by persons with a delicate nature or those with a nervous disposition.  Rochdale Town Hall 2

Read more…

The Last Days of the Bath – Part 04

Ten days now of washing, shaving, brushing my teeth, and having bed baths in the kitchen sink like old man Steptoe.  Old Man Steptoe

Read more…

Post Navigation