Frivolous Monsters

Archive for the tag “Overheard Conversations”

Invasion of the Costa Coffees

Having given up the University refectory I set out to find a local café I could call my own, which was within walking distance because I could no longer fork out the extortionate amounts the buses were charging, and this luckily coincided with the local invasion of the many Costa Coffees.14 Settling on the original, right by the market, I therefore set out my stall to reside in there for as much as I could, surrounded by the inspirational panoramic view through their goldfish bowl windows, and I dreamed of becoming the J.K. Rowling of Bury.

Costa Invasion

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The Reading Room 06

In the library I found they had a copy of a Hunter S. Thompson book – The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967 – which I hadn’t read, but then discovered that some twisted local, presumably the previous borrower, hadn’t so much taken it out to enjoy the adventures in Gonzo journalism which lay within because they’d been using it to press wild flowers instead. I knew this as, with my Sherlock Holmes-like skill, I detected evidence remaining within the book’s pages of some sort of large daisy; mostly because it was still wedged in there.

Partridge Smell My Cheese

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The Reading Room 05

Visiting late-night library Wednesday is like an episode of the old children’s cartoon Mr. Benn in that with each visit you spin the wheel of local-characters and that you never know which of them is going to go off.

bear 2

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The Reading Room 02

As a local writer of no celebrity, and even less fortune, I dine at the finest joints and hang out at the trendiest of scenes. By these I refer to the lowliest possible table in Costa Coffee, right by the toilet door, where no-one ever wants to sit, and of the reading room of the town’s central library, but it was by frequenting these locations that it put me in the sphere of influence of certain local characters.

Library

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126 Local Sheep

In the run up to Christmas there was a spate of crimes worthy of the local gangsters of old – The Quality Street Gang1 – and perhaps the most audacious act was when someone just down the road from me, under the cover of darkness, stole a whole field full of livestock which the local newspaper totted up as 126 sheep and two rams.

sheep

A Close Shave (1995) / Aardman Animations

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Slave to the Machine

I had some unexpected visitations in the run up to Christmas; knocking like spectral clanking chains. But as they all appeared on the doorstep, and there were only two of them, then it appeared that my role in proceedings was something akin to a cut-price Scrooge for the austerity generation. Times are hard, for everyone, it seems.

vegetables

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In Conversation with the Coffee Shop Stalker

I was in Costa Coffee when the large middle-aged woman who I’d already christened my coffee shop stalker came in and sat down next to me on the long sofa up against the back wall.

Costa Coffee barista Read more…

Toilet Tales 05

As a local writer of no celebrity and even less fortune I naturally dine at the finest tables and hang out at the trendiest scenes. And by that I, of course, mean the library reading room and the lowliest possible table in Costa Coffee outside the toilet door where no-one ever wants to sit. But by frequenting these locations it does put me in the sphere of influence of certain local characters.

Costa Coffee

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Saying Shoo to a Goose

I once found a good-looking Asian checkout girl in Tesco who had piercing blue eyes. She was a right Peter O’Toole. I didn’t have the courage, the first time I saw her, but on the second occasion I asked what I thought was the obvious question.goose Read more…

The Last Days of the Bath – Part 05

WARNING: This post contains content that should not be viewed by persons with a delicate nature or those with a nervous disposition.  Rochdale Town Hall 2

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