Frivolous Monsters

Archive for the category “A Foreigner’s Guide to…”

A Foreigner’s Guide to the Paralympic Closing Ceremony

The Olympic Opening Ceremony was like a free glass of wine on entry, the starter, and main course; the Olympic Closing Ceremony was like too much rich dessert to make you bilious and take you to the point of throwing up; The Paralympic Opening Ceremony like that wafer-thin mint too much to make you explode like an obese suicide bomber… And then there was another… Another Olympic Ceremony as the Paralympics closed: The FOURTH in a matter of weeks! Another four-hour extravaganza… The pain, the pain, when will it all end?

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A Foreigner’s Guide To The Paralympic Opening Ceremony

After the exuberance and the wonder of the Olympic Opening Ceremony directed by Danny Boyle, and the stodgy final demise of the Olympic Closing Ceremony that went on and on and on, I felt a little bilious to discover that the Paralympics would be having a three hour Opening Ceremony too.

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A Foreigner’s Guide To The Olympic Closing Ceremony

Possibly my most popular blog post was A Foreigner’s Guide to the Olympic Opening Ceremony after I just happened to catch the start of Danny Boyle’s extravaganza and got drawn in alongside the British viewing audience that saw literally a third of the country still watching at half past midnight. So when I discovered there was to be a similar Closing Ceremony extravaganza then how could I not tune in?

A genuine Damien Hirst artwork

Or, for viewers of NBC: Here’s what you may have missed once it was filleted to make it more appropriate for an American viewing audience. For a time my Mum used to “edit” Red Dwarf to make it more appropriate. I must have been thirteen at the time, my brothers younger, but even so that was beyond the pale even then. Just saying.

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A Foreigner’s Guide to the Olympic Opening Ceremony

It was literally only the other day that I realised I was born in Radcliffe, just like Danny Boyle. Possibly at the same hospital, I couldn’t find out exactly where, but we both also definitely went to the same university in Wales. As you can see our lives have spanned out identically… Except that I’ve never made a ludicrous film about people going on a expedition to the sun to turn it back on.

I’ve not been a fan of London getting the Olympics with its over-commercialisation, its fascist advertising deals, our athletes selling out, and Sebastian Coe, but then on the spur of the moment I did happen to tune into Danny Boyle’s opening ceremony and I was hooked. Besides, I did have another vested interest…

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A Foreigner’s Guide to the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

Over here recently you couldn’t move for public holidays, Union Jacks, street parties, and bunting… So much bunting… But with so much public televised national partying I do like to think it showed a good image of us Brits around the world.

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A Foreigner’s Guide to the State Opening of Parliament

Former Colonials, members of the Commonwealth, Britain is a thriving modern country and not at all anything like what I know you believe it to be, i.e. Hogwarts, so allow me to welcome you to the home of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal for a foreigner’s guide to the State Opening of Parliament 2012…

Although to be honest I don’t imagine it’s changed much in the last several hundred years…

And if you have no clue as to what really goes on in this country then I imagine that you’re probably in for a bit of an eye-opener.

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